The Story of Chocochucks

On this, their 7^th anniversary, a pair of Portland marmots is expecting a visit from their spirit marmots. The spirit marmots will be telling their human-marmots a story. This story is not just a story, it is the story — the story that all marmots need to hear to understand their true purpose and greatness in the world.

The spirit marmots, Cookie and Gerdie, have arrived. They waddle into the room and take a seat. Cookie gets out an assortment of noms, for no story about the greatness of the marmot should be told without a good snack. Gerdie clears here throat and begins to chirp.

“We all know how the story begins. There was a god and it was good and it made the heavens and it made the earth and it made all of the animals on the earth in 7 days and 7 nights… blah, blah, blah flash-forward a few hundred thousand years and let’s get to the good stuff. The year is unknown but it is a long time ago. Marmots have split into 14 tribes and they have scattered throughout the world from Alaska to Afghanistan.“

“With so many natural mysteries of the world still unknown to marmot-kind, they naturally worshipped and feared many gods.  There was Poseidonchucks, the marmot god of the seas, Demeterchucks, marmot god of the harvest, and Chocochucks, marmot god of the cacao-tree. ”

“Chocochucks was a cruel god. Chocochucks was infinite, yet uncaring and unsharing. Chocochucks hoarded the cacao bean harvest denying marmots and the entire world the awesomeness of chocolate.”

“The greediness of Chocochucks did not sit well with the marmot community. Defenders of all things good, marmots have long-believed in the principles of deliciousness and food-bounty. They had never had chocolate but they knew it was evil for an infinite god to deny something to the world – this ‘chocolate’ must be good and it must be set free for the entire world to enjoy. It was time to deploy the BMU. “

“The BMU or Baby Marmot Underground had many brave marmots in their organization. They BMU was committed to three principles – bettering the world through goodness, sharing, and food. The BMU knew taking down Chocochucks was a difficult but worthy mission. The BMU was in search of the perfect plan for freeing chocolate from Chocochucks. Many ideas were suggested but success seemed out of reach. It was not until two brave little marmots, Cookie and Gerdie, stepped forward with a dangerous but perfect plan that victory seemed possible.”

“The BMU worked day and night gathering resources and laying out their plan. All 14 species of marmot gathered flower seeds from around the world. There were seeds for Dahlias, peonies, chrysanthemums, Sparkler cleomes, and Pixie Dust Willows, and an assortment of wildflowers all gathered and stored.”

“Cookie and Gerdie set out for South America where Chocochucks liked to winter. As Chocochucks slept, Cookie and Gerdie spread the flower seeds all around the sleeping god. Then, they summoned Chaacchucks, the South American marmot god of rain. Chaacchucks so respected the nobility and effort of the BMU that Chaacchucks brought rain for days on end.”

“As it continued to rain, the seeds began sprouting all around Chocochucks. Eventually Chocochucks was surrounded by flowers that continued to grow and grow and grow. The flowers overtook Chochochucks who exploded into millions of pieces spreading cacao-tree seeds throughout South America.”

“A year later the first cacao-harvest came and the cacao bean was turned into the first bar of chocolate which Cookie and Gerdie enjoyed in the comfort of their warm, winter-time den. In the years that followed, Cookie and Gerdie enjoyed their fair share of chocolate with each other and the world. Although a great debt was owed to Cookie and Gerdie, the BMU, and the marmot population as a whole, humans often overlook the greatness of the contributions of marmots. That is why Cookie and Gerdie, in their marmot-spirit form, visit their marmot kin and retell the story of how marmots gave chocolate to the world. ”

Gerdie was done telling her story. The human-marmots were made even more marmoty by hearing her tale. Gerdie and Cookie wished the human-marmots a happy marmot-versary and presented them with their very own box of chocolates.

“Now go have some chocolate!”